I think i have a problem. A good problem, but still.

Pictured: Urban Decay "Naked", one coat, no topper.

I'm such a newbie to reddit, as well as to this kind of self care. i'm 61 1/2, and for the vast majority of my life i avoided anything to do with long or painted nails, due to my massive "mother issues" and desperately not wanting to associate with anything that reminded me of her. BLARGH.

In 2024, i hit an all-time-high weight, got on one of the nifty new meds, and started a journey of taking pride in my appearance again. I started with buying a little makeup here and there, which ballooned into subscription boxes and more makeup than i could ever use in the rest of my lifetime, rebuilding my wardrobe basically from scratch, doing more with my hair than just a ponytail or barrette to keep it out of my face, and following waaay too many beautytok influencers.

Today I'm down almost 120 pounds (about 15 more to go to be at my "wedding dress weight"), and feeling amazing. I might even be able to avoid knee replacement for a few more years! (suck it, arthritis) ANYWAY – last June, I'm trolling thru a dollar store and see a nail polish display, and thought it would be fun to buy some rainbow pastels to do what i now know is a skittle with my gender-fluid-ish son. I bought a few bottles of cheapie polish, some remover (just in case it really sucked and triggered me), and was off to the races.

Cut to a year later, and you can see i've kinda lost my dang mind! I think i have upwards of 60 bottles (at least 5 more currently on the way, some of them vintage), plus tools and various and sundry accouterments. I just ordered a giant wall rack to hold all my polish on the wall above my vanity (such an appropriate name) so it's not stuffed in a drawer and i can SEE ALL THE PRETTY. I blame yall for some of that – been a lurker here for a while and every time one of you posts a pic of a new small-brand mani, i have to go immediately and research the maker. I had no idea what free edges, lower parallels, and C curves were a year ago. Yall are clearly doing the lord's work. 😉

This has become such a wonderfully fun hobby as i explore what "girling" feels like again and embracing something i always resisted. Mom is dead, and she can't make me feel ookie about myself any more. Bonus – i love wearing colors that would make her head spin. It kinda mitigates the lingering sound of her voice still in my head from time to time, and wearing matte black especially feels like a very cathartic sort of EFF YOU. 😀

thank you for being such a welcoming place to support me discovering myself again.