A Tribute to the Most Loyal Man in My Life: My Marc Jacobs Tan-Tastic Bronzer

Seven years ago, fresh out of school, with nothing but teenage delusion and a part-time paycheck, I walked into Sephora and bought my very first luxury makeup item: a Marc Jacobs bronzer.

For SIX!!! years, I used it every single time I did my almost daily makeup. I never cheated on it. Not once. No influencer-induced infidelity. Just me and my giant pan of commitment.

And somehow… it refused to die.

I swear this thing had the lifespan of a Nokia phone. Economies rose and fell. I changed hairstyles, cities, situationships. That bronzer? Still there. Still blending. Still loyal.

After realizing you were discontinued and years of searching, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is simply no one like you. You are the perfect shade. No one blends as effortlessly. No one looks as airbrushed. And that dreamy coconut scent the second you open the compact? Unmatched.

When I finally hit pan, I was genuinely shocked. I had fully accepted that it might outlive me.

Now that only the corners are left, I’ve decided I’m saving it for my future wedding day. If I ever meet a man who doesn’t irritate me within 3–5 business days, that bronzer is coming out of retirement.

It just feels right. It was there when I became an adult. It deserves to be there if I ever make another questionable long-term commitment.

Anyway. Thank you, Marc Jacobs Tan-Tastic Omega Bronzer.

You were expensive. You were loyal. You never let me down.

Unlike others.

Rest well old friend.